Viva La Vida
by IHeartUCato
Summary: "Viva La Vida" -Coldplay SPOILERS "As one of the new "Dauntless" leaders, I have a responsibility to give the speech for those who choose the lull of death over the pain of living. But the moment I saw the body... I decided to screw responsibility." R&R and enjoy my depressing story.


**A/N- So this idea was given to me by XxDarkDemonSlayerxX. It's really depressing but a lot of my work has been lately. I guess I'm just in a mood. Also, please people, I DON'T HATE FOUR/TRIS! Ok? I like writing about other couples. That's it. Understood? Good. Now enjoy my incredibly sad story.**

I lie on my bed, staring at the three words painted on my wall. I've long since cried myself out, and now I'm just thinking about how I could've stopped all this, how I could've saved her.

I had rushed to the chasm when Zeke told me that someone had committed suicide. Again. After the war and the news about Edith Prior and beyond the gate, everyone settled into their factions again. Well, there aren't exactly "factions" anymore, but everyone went back to the closest thing they had to how they were living before. But with so many dead and with the factions gone, "before" was a very hard thing to get back. So, as the idiots we humans are, we found the only way to cope with it.

To kill ourselves.

As one of the new "Dauntless" leaders, I have a responsibility to give the speech for those who choose the lull of death over the pain of living. But the moment I saw the body...

I decided to screw responsibility.

Tris... my beautiful Tris. Lying on the chasm floor, her body swollen with the water and her eyes lifeless. I ran over to her faster than I thought was possible, praying that this was some sick joke, that someone was going to jump out and start laughing because I fell for it. But as the seconds tick past, no one does and I can't find a pulse and Tris, my _Tris,_ is growing colder by the second.

I wasn't about to believe it, until I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked up to see a puffy eyed, splotchy cheeked Christina looking down at me, her tears rolling down her face and falling onto my shoulder.

"No." I whispered, shaking my head. "Sh- She can't be dead. She can't be." I looked down at the girl below me. "Tris. Tris wake up. It's not funny Tris. Please, just wake up.

"Dude, she's gone." I look up to see Uriah standing there. "I'm sorry."

I guess he understands how I feel. He lost Marlene not that long ago. I don't know how he dealt with it, and I don't care. I stood up and ran to my apartment to cry my eyes out.

An hour later I lie here wishing I could go back in time and... I guess _notice _what was happening. I don't need some note to know why she did it; the guilt. I knew it was eating her up inside, the guilt of killing Will; for her parents' death; for Albert's; for all the people who died in this stupid war. But as the idiot I am, I thought she was okay. That she was just coping with it.

Boy was I wrong.

I remember once upon a time when I felt like I was invincible. I was ranked first in initiation; I had –_have_- the lowest amount of fears ever. Girls wanted me left and right. Max kept offering me a job as a Dauntless leader and no matter how obnoxious he was Eric couldn't do much to me since I could replace him at any moment. And I was away from Marcus. Nobody could touch me. I was Four.

And yet I still felt unhappy. Dauntless wasn't what I thought it would be and with people like Eric and Max running around, it made me yearn to in Abnegation but _safe._ I was going to leave.

And then _she _came along and ruined everything. Tris, with her selfless way of going about things. Tris, with her nondescript beauty on the outside and her beautiful defiance and loyalty inside. Tris, with her lack of self-preservation. Tris, the one girl who could rip my heart out so many times but still hold the key to it in the palm of her hand. The one girl who could show such beauty between two different factions. The only girl who could make me face my fears every single day, just because I love her so much.

I love her too much to do what I'm sure she expected me to do; I won't find someone else. She knew that girls wanted me, but I only wanted –_want_- her. There won't be anyone else.

I stand up and walk into the bathroom and stare at myself in the mirror. My eyes are puffy and red, my cheeks stained by my tears. I give a bitter laugh. If Eric were alive to see me like this he'd be the happiest man in the world. I stare at myself long enough for everything to start looking deformed before I punch the mirror. Hard. Hard enough for the glass to break and for the shards to fly around me. I'm pretty sure I broke my hand, but I don't care. I can't feel anything anyway.

I wash the blood off my knuckles and am instantly brought back to that day when Al, Peter and Drew attacked Tris and I had to bring her back here. That was the first time I admitted how I felt about her to myself. The Ferris wheel was one thing; I just didn't want her to fall and end up dead. Or at least that's what I told myself.

I don't want to believe she did this. This is all a part of the fear simulation and this is my newest fear that I can't calm down from and I can't beat it.

More images pass through my head. Pulling Tris off the net. Telling her what a hamburger is. Teaching her how to fight. Watching her get beaten up by Peter and then kicking Molly's ass. Me throwing knives at her head so that Al wouldn't have to stand there instead. Finding out she was Divergent. Showing her my fear landscape. Kissing her in the chasm. Watching her face Lauren's fear. Her slapping me. Stopping Eric from getting her into too much trouble. Her calling me her boyfriend. Images like these flip through my brain and all I want is to go back in time to them. Back to when we were happy, when she wasn't dead and I wasn't so broken.

I want Tris back.

But no matter how much I want her back, it's not going to happen. I look up into the shattered mirror. My face is cracked and deformed and it looks like I'm being so pulled apart that I'm going to break; to shatter like the mirror did.

So I pull out my cell phone.

"Hello?" Zeke's voice comes out the other end; he sounds impossibly tired. I can even hear the chasm and crying in the background.

"Get to my apartment now." I tell him before hanging up.

I take a deep breath before picking up one of the larger shards from the mirror and bringing it up to my neck. This way Tris and I can still be together.

"I love you." I whisper; the last words to pass my lips before I swipe the shard across my skin, ending what was bound to be a horrible and miserable life.

**A/N- Well. I did not plan for this to end like that. But it just kinda happened and I think it was pretty good, no matter how depressing. Now, quick question for you guys; can you check out the poll on my page? I need more inspiration for stories that are hopefully not going to make people cry. Thanks, and please leave a review! LOVE YA, BYE-BYE!**


End file.
